Over It

Dear Dating "Experts",
I've never been one to follow or give much credence to dating rules. At the same time, I've read my fair share of the advice dispensed in books, in magazines, on television shows, and various other media outlets. I admittedly gave some of what you all said some serious thought. A lot of your dating propaganda sounded good and it made perfect sense. To some degree it still does. However, at this stage in my solitary life I'm truly and really over it. It's exhausting, and an awful lot to swallow (no pun intended) considering most of it is to no avail. Going with the flow and truly enjoying being single never felt so good! 30 is inching near. In fact, it will be my reality as soon as next month. I look forward to it and welcome it with open arms. I'll envelope this milestone and smother it with a massive bear hug and a thousand sloppy kisses, dating experts. As the day looms, my singlehood doesn't feel freakish. The sympathetic, slow head shakes and reassuring "You'll meet someone soon" comments will continue to be met with indifferent shoulder shrugs. It's not that bad. Really. There is a huge difference between being alone and being lonely. I'm far from lonely.
You see, all the dating advice in the world can't predict when or how complementary love will happen. Knights in shining armor, rebel princes, Mr. Right ... none of these fantastical specters can be forced into existence based on a list of dating do's, you all seem to love to comprise and update at every turn. In fact, I'm not even sure that kind of perfection exists. All your ruuules and dating how's are perfect for helping Mr. Right Now materialize like a light breeze... before evaporating into a blast of hot, thin air. While I know you all mean well, you need to let the masses be. No amount of orgasmic bed tricks, pretend bashfulness, or man-scaping is going to force someone to fall in love if they aren't ready or genuinely feeling someone. Let us single people fumble towards ecstasy on our own without your unwarranted tsk tsking. Let the cards shuffle and unfold naturally. More importantly, stop making single-hood seem like an incurable social disease that burns, oozes, and leaks if left untreated.
xoxo Coffey

5 comments

Amadeo said...

I'm not saying this cause I met someone, but I noticed how it happened without effort...as a matter of fact it happened at a place I said I needed to avoid so I could go out more. Dating experts know nothing...I should be paid for my advice.

TiffJ said...

Amadeo, I believe this is the way it is supposed to work... naturally and unexpectedly. I get so exasperated reading and listening to so called dating/love "coaches" and their rules! Love and the elements that make love happen cannot be forced by a bunch of stupid do's and don't's. They make a fortune off of telling people that something is wrong with them if they remain single for an extended period of time.

Anonymous said...

Now you know how I love those damn books! hahahaha No, not the ones that tell you how to please your man in bed or nonsense like that, but the ones that are common sense stuff we all know such as if dude isn't calling then you shouldn't be waiting for the damn phone to ring! hahaha I think you're right: dating is an organic process and it can only happen when people are ready to do it. Whether you meet in person or online no amount of coaching is going to help you if someone is a jerk and has no intentions of treating you well. I just enjoy the books that emphasize the fact that if you're not happy with who you are how the hell can you expect someone else to make you happy? YOU CAN'T! We have to make our own happiness. It's good knowing that I'm going to be happy whether I'm in a relationship or completely single.

We've made it this far, Coffey...and we're not doing badly...let's hope the rest of the world can keep up.

;) Cat

Lola Gets said...

Um, Amadeo, if we PAID you for your advice, then youd become one of the dreaded "dating experts!" Is that what you really want??
LOL

"More importantly, stop making single-hood seem like an incurable social disease that burns, oozes, and leaks if left untreated."

AMEN sister! I wish my married friends realized that too.

L

Anonymous said...

And how. When married people try to set me up I get a little suspicious.

First, couples only seem to want to socialize with other couples. It's totally lame, but at least be a little flattered that they're trying to make it "ok" for you to be a part of their little group. Unattended marauding females being so dangerous and suchwhat, you're "safer" around their boyfriends/husbands if some OTHER guy has claimed ownership of your vagina. Men won't respect YOU, but they WILL respect the property rights of other MEN. I know, it's creepy, sexist and gross but it's the truth.

Another reason I get suspicious is that I sense that some of them are jealous of my freedom and want to make me as unhappy as they are. Misery loves company!

I love not being joined at the hip with someone I have to constantly negotiate with.

"What do you want to do?"
"I don't know, what do YOU want to do?"

BAH! I want him to get out of my house so that I can take a bath and paint my toenails in peace!