Home Alone

Recently I watched a film called Sugar- directed by Reynold Reynolds and starring Samara Golden- on DVD. Sugar first appeared at the Sundance Film Festival in 2005 and due to it being sold out, I didn't get the opportunity to see it then. It had limited distribution, and is finally out on DVD. So I was looking forward to seeing it. Sugar is an acquired taste. It's very dark and at times, unnerving, but it's definitely an interesting study. It was reminiscent of Roman Polanski's Repulsion, starring Catherine Deneuve. Both films star young women, living or left home alone in a large city, to face their fears. Their fears seem to overwhelm them, as they slowly unravel. Every sound, every shadow, slowly but surely causing them to come undone as they become prisoners to their solitude. I live alone, and I enjoy it most times. These past few days, I stayed in. I've become a bit of a homebody, not needing to (or feeling like) going out or socializing, but my cabin fever has started to get to me, so I went out in the frigid weather today. I touched on the slight horrors of living alone a little bit, before. Two nights ago, I heard someone walk by my door, keys jingling, and I jumped up and watched the crack underneath every fifteen minutes or so. Every little sound or creak started to affect me. I swore I saw a shadow stop underneath the crack of my door... I know it didn't, but I felt there was a presence there... a slight cessation in front of my door. I put on my headphones, and listened to some Amy Winehouse on my MP3 player... to drown out the barely audible sounds, I imagined? I was soaking in the bath last night, and everytime I heard someone walk past my door, I felt myself lose it, just a little bit. Every so often, I'd lean outside the side of the tub, just to check. Finally I just pushed my bathroom door shut, lit a Patchouli incense stick, and pulled my shower curtain closed. This was the only way I could enjoy my warm, late night bath. I'm not one of those people who requires a roommate or a live- in other. I enjoy my privacy, but having seen these films... about these solitary young women, living alone, in an urban area... I think I truly get it and I felt what these characters were experiencing. One floor above me, I hear this strange squeaking noise (even now as I type this) at odd moments throughout the early and then late evening. It's definitely not a bed, weighed down by two oversexed lovers, but it sounds like a weird contraption of some sort. Like a heavy piece of machinery. I don't know if I'm directly below the laundry room or if someone has decided they like to work with this mysterious piece of machinery when they feel so inclined to do so. It's a sound one might hear in a boiler room or basement. I sleep with my fan turned to the highest setting (despite the cold weather)... its sound is similar to white noise and it drowns out that squeaking sound... it's the only way I seem to be able to sleep these days. These feelings of "repulsion" contribute to my sudden insomnia, as of late. That and restless thoughts. Last night was a fitful sleep. I woke this morning, tangled in my bedsheets, agitated and unrested. Sometimes it's scary and it's downright discomfiting. As I wrote in a recent post, I'm very observant of the minutiae, and it can be rather annoying at times. I miss the days when I slept like a corps and was oblivious to any and all things occurring outside. I'm reminded of a time, once as a teenager, when the house next door caught on fire and neighboring residents had to evacuate. I practically slept through the whole thing, and my mother had to practically slap me, to get me to wake up and out the door.

6 comments

BeautyinBaltimore said...

I live by myself too, and sometimes the smallest noise bothers me to. There are some movies/ shows that I can't watch in my apartment because they scare me and I will not be able to sleep.

I rented repulsion after your recommendation. It is a very good movie. The poor chap lost his life all because he was in love, and had to have her. Men usually love/desire the women who make it hard for them.

Amadeo said...

When I lived solo noises mostly annoyed me cause my hearing is good. So a little background noise on T.V. that sounded just like my doorbell would have me straining to hear if it was me or someone was waiting outside. You might enjoy the movie Audtion (sometimes spelled Odishon - Japenese spelling english words phonetically). It's not the same thing was the movies you mentioned, but you made me think of it.

TiffJ said...

@BeautyinBaltimore: Sometimes, like a moron, I'll turn off all the lights and watch a scary film or thriller. Those sorts of movies generally don't cause me to lose sleep however, I saw the Japanese version of The Grudge and had difficulty sleeping!

Amadeo: I've actually seen Audition. Freaky! I'm a Miike fan. ;-)

TexInTheCity said...

I am so going to rent that movie, Audition also.

Unknown said...

I came here to post a comment about living alone (since I too live solo) - then I saw the "Audition" thing - I LOVED THAT MOVIE. I have no problem watching scary movies & living alone, scary movies are my fave, I LIVE for a great scary movie. Audition was no different = didn't make me scared of noises etc, but I JUST HAD TO GIVE MY 2 CENTS RE: IT - if anyone reading this hasn't seen it, YOU MUST.

I have never seen Repulsion, but it's been on my "must see" list for YEARS. Just haven't gotten to it yet. If I don't have any overdue fines at the video store, IO'M RENTING IT THIS WEEKEND (but I think I have fines, damn it....) LOLOLOLOL

Anonymous said...

Audition was a freaky good movie! Repulsion made me think of my sister (who is nuts btw), very good movie...what was the topic in this post? oh yeah, living alone, lol. I don't live alone, I wish I did tho.