Coffee Rhetoric: Year in Review

I started this blog 2 years ago, not sure of what I was looking to accomplish with this project. One thing was for sure, I wanted to be able to write consistently as I'd hit a major block I could not seem to get through. I needed inspiration, but the creative well had run dry in that regard, which was/is usually unheard of for me. I wasn't producing on a consistent basis, and that worried me a great deal. Needless to say, the decision to blog took a couple of tries before I finally decided to see it to fruition... before I decided to publicly air some of my dirty laundry at the risk of making personal acquaintances gasp at my thoughts. All in all, it's been an interesting experience, one that I enjoy immensely, as it challenges me to find ways to explore who I am, which is an amalgamation of things. What I relay here doesn't even begin to crack the core of my being. My being is perplexing, and has me scratching my head, at times. Blogging has been cathartic. I'm able to expurge a lot of the thoughts that plague me, i.e. my lackluster dating life. It has been nerve-wracking at times, as there were certain people close to me, I didn't want stumbling on my public forum. Public as it is, I was hoping to maintain some semblance of anonymity to those who know me personally... to no avail. I've come to terms with the fact that family members and friends and maybe even casual acquaintances and co-workers read this blog. I am finally okay with it. I am comfortable with some of the pictures I post. While they may seem borderline disturbing or racy to some,they help me explore and experiment with how I view my image.I have total control over the images I choose to share, and it aids me in coming to terms with my disdain for having my picture taken by others. The images I portray also illustrate some of the things I am trying to convey.Some may view the "photo diary" aspect of my blog posts as being self-absorbed and narcissistic, but alas, I'm not out to win any blog-popularity contests. I'm just out to explore who I am becoming as I get older while choosing to make it fodder for public consumption. Here is a year in review of Coffee Rhetoric. Enjoy it, or don't. It's still been posted for posterity. January 2005 found me a drunken wreck, after I'd gone to Boston to ring in '05 with my best friend Cat. I woke up in a pool of her vomit, and found that my old, trusty, Gap peacoat, had been covered in it too. It also helped me to realize that I never want to wake up, realizing I'd lost control, ever again. January was also a big moment for me, as I got to conquer one of the biggest goals on my To-do list. I went to the Sundance Film Festival, and had a BLAST. February 2005: More lamenting over bad dating prospects, buggery, and me being in awe of Aged Sexologist, Dr. Sue. March 2005: I implored the male populace to DATE me and my friend Cat, as we were the catches o' the decade ... WTF, and an apt description of a yummy meal. I also launched into part deux, of our Sundance Shenanigans. April 2005: Vibrators and free minty lube. I felt compelled to share that information, about my masturbatory habits, and don't really regret doing so. I also had the shakes, because my cable was no more. Telemundo shut it off and tried to shake me down for some more money, to no avail, HA HA, as I had the last laugh... sorta. I bid farethewell, to Strange Love and Will & Grace, begrudingly. Cat also decided to forgo an epicurean spread, to walk for hunger. I tried to dissuade her via coercion. Playing on her gluttony, I demanded that she attend a sumptuous dinner party hosted by my mother's close friend via an open letter but, alas, she would not be bought! She walked the valiant walk in her brand new, white boats...er... kicks, and raised a substantial amount of money doing it! May 2005: I explored the concept of Sankofa, and asked readers what they'd do if they were able to go back in time. I also gave readers a little bit of insight into who I am, via a mock interview. In June 2005, I couldn't seem to get to sleep. Insomnia seemed to plague me, which is usually unheard of, as I have no problems drifting off into a sound sleep, and I whined about the hazy days of summer. I celebrated my snobbery! Without apology and cursed the ill-mannered. That was me, accepting who I am and appreciating all the things I enjoy doing. Getting older brought about this realization. I may have stepped on the toes of those who read it, but it's who I am. I said what I needed to say, and I purged those feelings, without regrets. I don't ever write or say things to hurt people's feelings, however, I don't apologize for the woman I am becoming. I only hope to become a better and more honest person. June also found me sharing with friends and readers, how important and soothing music is to me! I shared some of my favorite songs and couldn't stress, enough, how I can't function without la musica. One of my most important and favorite posts found me coming to terms with my body. I celebrate myself, for how I am. My primary concern is to be healthy and active. That post was me saying that I realize I'm not the skinniest bird, but I'm not the most obese or the fattest either! I think women should take control of their own images, and stop allowing shallow, insecure men and the media to dictate how they should look. What we should be is HEALTHY, fabulous,sexcellent, and active. We should, indeed, take care of ourselves and strive to keep our bodies healthy. Who gives a fuck if the shell isn't wrapped in a thin, narrow, crust. Certain men, will look average-(some overweight, lacking downstairs, and balding themselves)- at best, but somehow think that Halle, Tyra, or Paris are their due. Whoever doesn't like me for me, can sod off, because someone will! More importantly, I like my voluptuocity, suckas! Ohhh, July 2005! I admitted to all who read, that I was a tad schizoid, and that my alter ego (or my id) was quite the violent badass. In fact, quite a bit happened this month. I waxed notstalgic and cryptically lamented the state of the world. I also begged and pleaded with the masses to help me pretend that I had a boyfriend, to ward off unwanted suitors. August through November, I weighed in about what I considered to be sexcellent and celebrated s'more snobbery. All in all, this year alone was a crazy ride. I've come undone a little bit, and fear(ed) I would (will) come apart at the seams, but I know I the outcome will be triumphant. Dating disasters and all. This blog has allowed me to indulge my love of writing, while helping me come to terms with a lot of things. I hope to continue to learn and grow as a personality. This year, I learned that I am not infallible, that it's okay to emote, and that I have an awesome best friend and a great family, none of whom judge me, as they read the trials and tribulations of my life, here, in print. I have talents that I continue to foster, and a really awesome, core group of readers, who continue to offer me constructive feedback and kudos for being me, notwithstanding how I may come off or how much dirt I may kick up in my rambling discourse. Thanks for that. I only want to be a better person. I want to continue to be optimistic in the face of adversity and the challenges I'm up against. I make mistakes, and I readily admit to them. I've yet to light up a crackpipe nor am I on lithium or any other anti-depressant for that matter. So I know I'll be just fine, Goddess willing. Oh, I've only just begun. For those who think they know me, you have no idea.